She came to apologise but not before stomping round the house making a point.
She was sorry that she got annoyed in the heat of the moment. She was annoyed at me that I didn’t say anything when she came downstairs. Because I was annoyed at her – but she hasn’t made me feel like I could talk to her. I said as much, “I can never talk to you, you take things personally and you never actually hear what I’m saying”
“I don’t take things personally”, she said back, seemingly unaware of the irony.
Why would I want to talk to you if I know it’s always going to explode in an escalating shouting match? It’s easier just for me to stay quiet.
It’s really had being me, you wouldn’t understand. So come the excuses. AA, her friends, rehearsals, etc.
Okay, and what about me? I am out of the house for 14 hours a day and keep the dog alive and keep nan alive and do errands for mum and dad and do the communal chores. But I don’t complain,. I do them 99% of the time. This 1% was when you told me you were aware of them and were going to do them.
Eventually, we apologised, but the air was thick with misunderstanding. It was clear she took it personal, yet again, what a waste of my breath. It’s clear I wasn’t open to hearing her usual bullshit excuses, absolving herself of any blame.
She didn’t seem to understand that it’s not just this one instance that she’s been mean to me, it’s everyday of my life. To her, the clock resets at midnight, and she can relive her groundhog day of treating us all like shit. To me, it’s groundhog day, but I retain my memories of the mistreatment and disrespect.
I seriously want nothing to do with her. And I can’t wait for the day I am in a position to make that my reality.
She just thought this was about washing up… Accepting an apology for temporary peace is easier than making it into a bigger thing, but it’s like putting another layer of paint on the wall instead of stripping it down to the brick and starting again.
For the time being, the clock has reset in her world. But time trudges on in mine – she will neither forgive nor forget.